


Exhaustion

by antigravitated



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Heartbreak, Love, Mage Cullen Rutherford, Mages and Templars, Male-Female Friendship, Past Relationship(s), Sided with Mages, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 04:25:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4863050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antigravitated/pseuds/antigravitated
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drained Inquisitor returns from a long mission in the Hinterlands with one thing on her mind - SLEEP! On her way back to her quarters, the past comes back to bite her in the form of a head-on collision with armor. Caught in the ugly web of a love triangle with no way out, will the Inquisitor ever get to go to bed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Exhaustion

It had been a long and arduous journey back to Skyhold from The Hinterlands and Inquisitor Nylah Trevelyan was well and truly exhausted. Her loyal Hart whinnied and trotted alongside her towards Master Dennet's stables. The old horsemaster greeted her at the door with a cheerful smile and quick nod of his head. She didn't expect anyone to scrape and bow to her, least of all her friends. "Inquisitor, welcome back! How did our fine beauty fare this time around?" he asked, taking the reins from her and leading the hart into it's stall. The Inquisitor reached up and fed the hart a carrot before patting it lightly on the side. "She was a treasure, as always, Master Dennet. The Halla leather saddle and harnesses you suggested were a delight to ride with. Thank you for your advice, I am forever grateful for it and I have brought you a gift for your troubles!" She presented him with a carved Ferelden style box containing a pair of hardy winter gloves made from the same fine Halla leather as the saddle. The old mans eyes lit up as he looked down at his own tattered gloves, worn away from years of hard work and shook his head in disbelief. "Thank you Inquisitor! I could've waited another year longer to get another pair! Why, these are the finest quality in all of Thedas! I don't know what I did to deserve these but thank you!" Dennet shook the Inquisitor's hand and wiped a small tear away. "Well a little birdy, a nightingale in fact, told me it was your birthday last month and since you are so far from your family I thought you deserved a gift from me. You're part of my family here at Skyhold. Anyway I'm sure you'll put them to good use!" The old man smiled and patted her firmly on the shoulder. "My Seanna might be back at home but it's good to know I have a daughter here too in you! You're a good person, Inquisitor!" "Oh, so I keep hearing though I don't know who started that particular rumour, Master Dennet!" She teased, "I am also, however, very weary from my travels and I must take my leave now. I brought some letters from your family and friends back home too which might brighten your evening some more! Good day, my friend." The old horse master nodded his thanks and went back to his work, carefully stashing the gloves and the letters away for later. 

 

She left the stables and headed back towards the castle, her mind drifting off to thoughts of a hot meal, a long bath and a good night's sleep in her own bed (rather than a makeshift bunk in a camp tent) when she slammed into something solid and metallic. She was knocked backwards and landed on her backside in the dirt, feeling rather embarrassed and clutching her head after smacking it off whatever it was she had walked into. "Damn it.." she muttered to herself as she rubbed her forehead and scrambled back onto her feet. "Inquisitor?" a gravelly voice asked. She paled at the sound of it and slowly opened her eyes to see Warden Blackwall standing before her. The tall, bearded warden stared down at her with a straight, unmoved face and waited for her answer. "I'm fine, thank you. I do apologise, my mind was elsewhere. Did I hurt you at all?" she asked. She instantly regretted doing so. The pain that flashed in his eyes was almost too much to bear. He looked as though he had something to tell her but instead his reply was a curt nod and a tight lipped frown before he strode off towards his quarters by the stables without another word.

 

The Inquisitor could feel the temper rise inside her as she brushed herself off and stormed up the steps to the main courtyard. Blackwall had been nothing but cold and moody with her since she had broken off their brief involvement months ago. She had fallen for him and had given him all the effort she could muster but every time she tried to tell him it would work between them, he pushed her further away until she couldn't take it anymore. At the time, she thought their involvement had ended on good terms but the warden's chilly replies since had proven otherwise. She couldn't pretend not to notice his longing gaze from across the courtyard and his muttered slights either. Blackwall still had excruciatingly obvious feelings for her and his attitude was getting to be too much for even the usually level-headed Inquisitor to handle. It was mortifying when he acted this way in front of their friends, especially when Dorian made sure to loudly poke fun at her because of it. The little git loved to make her squirm with his jokes in public but in private her closest friend shared her concerns.

 

The Tevinter mage was in his usual perch in the library of the castle, laughing mischievously as he turned the pages of an ancient looking tome on the subject of Chantry lore. It was so utterly unlike him to read such a thing by choice when he was surrounded by so many ancient magical tomes that she knew he was up to no good and she loved him for exactly that reason. 

 

"What are you up to, my dear?" she asked smirking at the faux innocent look on his moustachioed face. He gathered the book close to his chest so that she couldn't see it's contents and almost managed to look pious. "I am reconnecting with The Maker and the lovely Andraste of course! Why, my dearest Inquisitor, you wound me with that judgemental smirk of yours!" He tried in vain to keep a straight face and they both burst out laughing in unison until they were shushed by the other occupants of the library. "I have managed to splice the cover of this...well I'm sure it's a thrilling read....onto a copy of a rather scandalous Orlesian expose. Mother Giselle has tried to ban them all from the castle but I have my ways of obtaining contraband! You really must try and find some less easily led guards, Inquisitor! Corypheus could just wink at them and Skyhold would fall! Besides, Giselle will fully approve of me reading this copy, I'm sure!" That started them both laughing again until they were both kicked out of the library for the day.  

 

The pair continued to giggle loudly as they strolled across the courtyard, arm in arm. "You had something to tell me, I could tell from the rosy cheeks and furrowed brows you had when you charged up the stairs towards me! You can tell me over a drink or three..oh, and you're paying!" He said, half dragging her across the yard.

 

They settled into a quiet corner of the not so quiet tavern with a candle and two tankards of Cabot's finest ale. Here, the Inquisitor could finally tell Dorian what had happened with Blackwall without being overheard by overeager ears. He shook his head angrily at the warden's cold treatment of her and patted her firmly on the shoulder. "Well think about it this way, my dear, you had a lucky escape when you ended things. You would've been stuck with that savage for the rest of your days! What an utter fool he is. Can't he just get over it? I'm sure there are plenty of wet blankets around the castle that would be more than willing to comfort poor, unfortunate Blackwall...what about that kitchen girl? She always stares at him when he passes her like she's a dog and he's a big, juicy bone! We should set them up...he'd need to wash first...and then there's those clothes...Ah, this might be more difficult than I thought Inquisitor!"

 

The Inquisitor smiled at her friend's attempt to comfort her but she knew appeasing the warden wouldn't be that simple.  Dorian caught sight of a tall, strapping young Recruit across the room and went to chat to him so she downed the rest of her ale before getting up to get the next round in. As she waited for Cabot to get the good stuff for her and leaned against the bar, she found herself subconsciously swaying to Maryden's beautiful music. She was lost in the rhythm when a familiar pair of hands rested on her hips and a warm body pressed against her. She felt her cheeks glow red and a contented smile spread across her face. 

 

"I was hoping I'd find you in here." The man leaned in and whispered in her ear. His voice was a welcome calm in the sea of rowdy recruits. She turned to face her Commander and gazed up into his amber eyes. There was no need for words. There had always been a certain air between them, body language that spoke louder than anything they could have said. However, it had been weeks since she had seen him and she had so much to tell him. She placed a hand on his armoured chest and was about to speak when a loud, exaggerated cough interrupted her before she got the chance. "I thought Corypheus himself had come to spirit you away along with my ale but it seems that our Commander Cullen has proven himself to be as captivating as ever!! My, my, Inquisitor! People _will_  talk you know! I mean the recruits already are! I hear the word 'battlements' bandied around a lot in the barracks!" Cullen chuckled and turned to the Mage, "I wondered why all the new recruits' underthings were found outside your bedroom window, Dorian! You really must give them back when they're leaving!" The mage took both of their drinks from the bar and chuckled to himself as he turned to leave. "Now, now commander, I am the innocent party. I blame Sera for that matter! Inquisitor, why are YOU laughing? I'm having your drink as payback for your rudeness! To think I was trying to comfort you. I get it though, the commander is quite a distraction but honestly!! Maybe Krem and the Bull will appreciate my company more than you have! Hmpf!" He attempted to look rather offended by her neglect of him but turned back with a wink and a grin. "I shall leave her in your capable hands Commander! I won't trespass any longer on this little tryst! Good evening Inquisitor!" he laughed and sauntered off to join the Chargers in a lewd drinking game.

 

A cheer erupted from the corner that he disappeared into. "That man would mortify Andraste herself!" she said shaking her head. "I was just about about to say the same!" Cullen laughed. "You look happy today, I'm glad you came home safe!"  He looked at his feet, a bashful smile appearing on his battle scarred face. "He said he was comforting you though, what happened? Are you okay?" Come," she said, "let's get out of here. I need some peace and quiet. Meet me in my quarters when you can and I'll tell you everything!" The commander followed her from the tavern and they parted ways as they reached the great doors of the Throne Room. 

 

They tried not to walk too close to each other in public where prying eyes could see them but it had failed to keep the whispers from spreading around the castle. They were an unusual pairing to say the least; a Highborn Mage and a former Templar of insignificant birth. That mattered little to her though. She felt comfortable in his company and he made her happy with his awkward flirting and tendency to blush at every compliment or sign of affection. In short, the commander was entirely adorable, a soft hearted romantic behind his tough exterior. He was also an extremely private man but he let his guard slip from time to time, much to his own embarrassment and to their companions' (especially Dorian's) delight. He tended to trip over his own words and turn a deep shade of scarlet when the others teased him while he ran his fingers through his hair and prayed for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. 

 

They were far from The Winter Palace but Skyhold still had its fair share of gossip-mongers who delighted at even the smallest scrap of scandalous knowledge on the who's who of Thedas. She had previously overheard numerous hushed comments on the subject of her past involvement with Warden Blackwall in the Throne Room. On one such occasion, two Orlesian ladies and one gentleman that she could only presume to be one of their husbands huddled together at of one of the banquet tables that lined the room. She had been walking past them towards the War Room when she noticed their eyes following her from behind their masks. The taller of the two ladies nearly slapped the fan from her friends hand when the Inquisitor passed. "What a pity, a broken heart will do that man no justice!" she announced, just loud enough that it could be heard by those who bothered to listen. The short, plump one nodded in agreement. "Yes, I quite agree. I heard it was cut off in the coldest of fashions. The poor soul. I suppose that's mages for you!" When she recieved no reply from the gentleman, she glared at him and dug her elbow in his side so hard that he almost spat the wine he was guzzling all over her gown. "Yes dear....quite..." he spluttered. The Inquisitor had been tempted to throttle them all but she bit her tongue and stormed off to the War Table in a foul mood. Even the sweet Josephine couldn't shift the black cloud that hung over her head. 

 

This evening she was greeted with mutterings of betrayal. "Oh that poor Warden! Cast aside for the Commander! I mean he _IS_ lovely to look at but there has always been something about the Warden that screams passion to me. I've taken a detour past the stables once or twice, on my way to call on Bonny of course, and I must say, he looks utterly forlorn. She should be ashamed of herself!" the short one complained. The throne room was packed this evening and it was almost impossible to avoid the pair as she weaved her way through the crowds. She got stuck by the fireside behind a group of nobles so she could eavesdrop on their conversation. "Oh I quite agree, my dear! Warden Blackwall does have something rather special about him. A Templar and a Mage! My sister could hardly believe me when I wrote to Val Royeaux to inform her! It is most scandalous indeed!" The tall one giggled venomously as she noticed the Inquisitor standing nearby. "Oh! Careful, Comtess Lafaille...ears are burning!" 

 

There were many courtiers in Skyhold that held no respect for the Inquisition itself but simply hung around the castle so they didn't miss anything. It was something Inquisitor Trevelyan grew accustomed to but it did little to soothe the sting of their comments. Her previous good mood was almost gone and the energy drained out of her. "Your Inquisitorialness! Why so glum? Those fancy folk got you feeling down again, eh?" the friendly voice of Varric Tethras stood out from the crowd. She nodded slightly. "Don't let them annoy you! Madame de Peletier is one to talk! Her youngest sister ran off with an apostate!" He laughed heartily and patted her on the arm. "Go on, you look beat! Get some rest and forget about them!" She smiled sleepily and rubbed at her eyes, the effects of their long journey home hitting her hard. "Thanks Varric!" she said getting up and making her way towards her quarters. The throne room would be empty soon when everyone would head to dinner and the dear commander would be free to follow her to her rooms. 

 

Her quarters were grandly furnished, with plush carpets and velvet drapery, a fine couch and an ornately carved four-poster bed from the Free Marches she had once called home. It sported two large balconies that looked out over the keep and the mountains that surrounded them. The room itself was far too exuberant for her liking but she loved the view so much that she tried not to complain too fervently. She had already started undressing as she climbed the stairs, throwing her cloak over the back of the chaise longue.  She hopped across the room on one foot, struggling to kick off one of her boots. As she did so she lost her balance along the way and tumbled back onto the couch, banging her head on the back og it's wooden frame. "Damn..that's another bruise today.." she grumbled to herself, feeling embarrassed even when alone. Her eyes were soon growing heavy in her head and she closed them for a second. "I'll finish getting undressed in a minute," she assured herself, "Just resting my eyes." 

 

It wasn't until a deep chuckle roused her from her sleep almost an hour later that the Inquisitor began to open her eyes again. The sun was setting in the sky, and she imagined it turning Cullen's curls into a hazy, golden halo as he gazed down at her. She blinked sleepily and stretched her limbs only to realise that she'd fallen asleep with her blouse open, one boot on and no trousers on at all. "ANDRASTE'S MERCY! Avert your eyes Commander! That's an ORDER!" she screeched, grasping for anything that would even remotely preserve the last of her dignity. She clutched a pillow to her chest with one hand and shielded her eyes from the sun with the other.

"Commander?" asked a voice that was like a bucket of ice water down her back. "My Lady Inquisitor, you are mistaken. I came to speak with you but I can see that you are expecting someone else..."

"Warden Blackwall..." Her breath caught in her throat as she backed away from him as quickly as the breeches currently tangled around her ankles would allow. The warden moved towards her, reaching up to sweep away a loose hair from her cheek. "Please don't..." She flinched at his touch, "Please, leave me. I think we have both embarrassed ourselves enough this evening, don't you?" He withdrew his hand but didn't retreat from her. "I should never have followed you here. You will be the end of me. You use and dispose of people as you please and bend the rules to suit yourself. Well I won't bend for you. No more!" he said, his voice shaking with anger and hurt.  The Inquisitor was pinned against the rails above the staircase that led into her quarters and had nowhere to go. Her left hand crackled green in defense and fear. "Blackwall. Please. I am asking you to leave. I have made my feelings on our relationship very clear. Please, please don't make me have to do something I don't want to do. I would appreciate if you left me." The inquisitors voice was filled with a mixture of fear and anticipation. She looked into his eyes for any signs of agreement but seen nothing.

 

And then he kissed her. He pressed himself against her and locked lips with her, his fingers rooting themselves tightly into her hair. In that moment she was powerless, her only escape to throw herself backwards over the rails and hope she didn't injure herself too badly when she landed on the stairs. She beat her fists on his chest in protest and bit his lip as hard as she could before her hand flashed brightly, knocking him back just enough for her to vault over the railing. The stairs were wet and slippy from rainwater that had been trodden into them and she slipped down a number of them still half naked, still tangled in the trousers around her ankles. She ripped them off and swung the door of her chambers open. "GET OUT NOW!" She snarled, already in pain and well past caring about hurt feelings. A small whimper came from the hallway outside the door,  "Uh...okay...I'm sorry my love, I'll just....I'll just go then." stammered Cullen who was standing in the doorway clutching a bottle of wine and some kind of picnic basket under his arm. "NO! Not you. HIM!" She still clutched the pillow to her chest and pointed up the steps. Cullen stepped past her into the room and walked up the steps to face the warden. The pair had never gotten along much and only held a mutual respect for each other due to their military backgrounds. Cullen's expression turned hot and angry when he seen the blood running from Blackwall's lip. 

"What are you still doing here, Warden? The Inquisitor ordered you to leave." Cullen was taller than Blackwall by around a half of a foot and glared down into his eyes. Blackwall laughed in his face, "Oh don't worry commander, I'll be leaving. I was just saying my goodbyes." And with that he marched down the stairs, flashing one last pitiful look at the Inquisitor then stormed out the door which was promptly slammed and barred behind him.

 

The Inquisitor sunk to her knees, her hands covering her face to hide the tears streaming from her eyes. "Nylah, are you alright? You're bleeding! What did he do?" Cullen scooped her up and carried her up the steps and placed her lightly on her bed so he could investigate the gash on her elbow and the quickly blossoming bruises that were forming on her back. Words evaded her. The only thing she could do was sob uncontrollably. The commander brushed her hair away from her face and drew her in close to his chest. His touch was calming to her and when she had settled down enough to speak she reached up and caressed his face. "The gash is my fault. I jumped over the rail and landed awkwardly. I don't know what to do with him.  He's invaluable to the inquisition for his knowledge of the Wardens. If only Hawke could come away to be here with us...no, Blackwall must stay. I just...want to be happy and enjoy what you and I have together without his repugnance and ire haunting me wherever I go. Cullen...what must we do?" She sobbed again and nuzzled into his neck for sanctuary. The commander's fingers drew shapes and letters over her back as he thought. "Forget about him for this evening my love! You have not eaten and you are still only half dressed...not that I mind...about the last part I mean...oh I shouldn't have said that out loud.." The commander's face glowed bright red until he realised that she had dozed off in his arms, snoring softly into his neck.  He didn't move an inch, relishing the small moment of calm with her, her warm hair tickling his face and her breath soft and quiet against his throat. It was moments like this that made him realise they were made for each other.

 

She was the beginning of the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to take this chance to point out that I in no way hate Blackwall. I actually think his character has gone through a complete redemption arc especially in regards to the Trespasser DLC. I also would like to say that I do not think he would ever force himself upon someone. Any actions in this story are made out of passion and true love for the inquisitor, she just happens to no longer share his feelings and it breaks his heart. 
> 
> Oh also, please comment if you like! I'd really appreciate knowing! I plan to continue this series!
> 
> Thank you for reading! xxx Love and Light, 
> 
> Aysia xx


End file.
